*Depressed* "Failure" 'FUCK'
Just got home from SLs camp. I could say that its not so tired as compared to the last SLs camp that i have attended. Maybe its because that i am the FAs now, so i can sleep at somewhere comfortable. Maybe its because that i had started to slack from the day the camp started. Maybe its because that all the unpleasant events that had bought to me before the camp, that make me so depressed. Maybe its because that all the while long, i have already wanted to shout out loud and cry out loud. Maybe its because, i am so hopeless and helpless that make me so sick and tired of everything. Maybe its because all this while long, i had never been a leader at all. May be its because, my body is there, but my heart and mind is not present. Maybe and Maybe and Maybe.. So much so that i had to call for help!!!
Anyway, the camp started on monday afternoon. Before the camp, i tried to pull myself up together and hide whatever fucking feelings that i had. I TRIED!!! Then i met my members. WoW!!! They are cool and mostly are exprienced!!! So i happily thought everything would be FINE!!! Then during the ice break, i failed to do a good one... My mood was then so affected by some members. Tried to pull myself up ones more. We continued the station later. It started raining... Then we all are stucked in the rain. I started to treat them to bubble tea and so on... Was not a good one.
Second day started. Pulling myself together again. This time round better. Everyone is in their own world. Our cheers were little and the rain couldnt stop to haunt us down. Was it because the game did not bond us well? Or was it because that all this while, i had already make myself feel worst?
Third day started. This time round, i was in total shag. My days felt so worst. I felt the whole world are so damn falling onto me. then everythings was so worng. It ended.
I guessed there is no point for me to blame on all the maybe and excuses. I guessed that i should be reflecting myself and also be prepared for the upcoming event. So much so for now.
Anyway, the camp started on monday afternoon. Before the camp, i tried to pull myself up together and hide whatever fucking feelings that i had. I TRIED!!! Then i met my members. WoW!!! They are cool and mostly are exprienced!!! So i happily thought everything would be FINE!!! Then during the ice break, i failed to do a good one... My mood was then so affected by some members. Tried to pull myself up ones more. We continued the station later. It started raining... Then we all are stucked in the rain. I started to treat them to bubble tea and so on... Was not a good one.
Second day started. Pulling myself together again. This time round better. Everyone is in their own world. Our cheers were little and the rain couldnt stop to haunt us down. Was it because the game did not bond us well? Or was it because that all this while, i had already make myself feel worst?
Third day started. This time round, i was in total shag. My days felt so worst. I felt the whole world are so damn falling onto me. then everythings was so worng. It ended.
I guessed there is no point for me to blame on all the maybe and excuses. I guessed that i should be reflecting myself and also be prepared for the upcoming event. So much so for now.
posted by Gabriel at
4:01 PM
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